The Break-In: Part 2

We found out who did it.

I’m saddened to say it was two high-school girls.

I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it. A 15 yr. old, and a 17 yr. old…. cousins.

Temporarily boarded up
Temporarily boarded up

The older girl has multiple felony breaking and entering charges on her rap sheet already. She was supposed to be in court the day after she broke in to our home for previous charges. The detective on our case stated that she would likely be going to jail because of her priors. He also said that they did not show remorse, or seem sorry at all. He said that they looked at him like, “Why is this old white guy trying to tell us what to do?” (the girls are Hispanic). The detective said that their parents didn’t speak much English, and that made me even more angry – because I have a lot of Hispanics at work that don’t speak a lot of English, and if I think about their children pulling that crap….. to think that they are working their tails off to give their kids better opportunities, and they just throw it  away like that?! That makes me mad.

We got most of our stuff back. I’m still freaked out about it though. I now think, “What if someone breaks in and I’m home???”

I wonder how I would react to a situation like that, and the answers I come up with generally don’t leave me feeling any better about it.

The sense of violation and fear that is with me at times is the worst part of the experience.

I’ve been looking into taking some self-defense classes, as well as gun safety classes. I think that I would feel safer if I had a gun in the house. My ex-boyfriend had a gun in his home and I knew how to shoot it. Obviously you hope you never have to use it, but I felt safer knowing it was there just in case.

I’m not trying to be political about gun rights or anything like that, I’m just saying that I can see now why I would want one.

I feel like I’m over-reacting about the whole thing

I can’t decide if I’m over-reacting

I’m pretty sure I’m allowed to still be freaked out about it.

I’m still angry. My roommate seems to be much less angry than me. When the detective said the 17 yr. old would probably be going to jail, she lamented that it would just “continue the system” and not solve anything. I think she deserves it.

This is not a good, Christian-like response to this and I’m aware of that. But I’m also going to be honest with God about how I do feel and not try to pretend like I’m not angry.

God can handle my questions and my frustrations.

At least it seems like they didn’t get to do any damage to the laptop or that they were even able to crack my password. That is a blessing. My Adobe Creative Suite Software is still on there as well. These are things to be thankful for. I need to try and focus on the good. Especially when I’m feeling like I’m starting to feel depressed and overwhelmed about life. It can be easy for me to fall into that hole.

There have been some other things that contributed to my feeling completely overwhelmed last week. Community Group at church has been a little frustrating lately.

Do you ever feel like you are in high school again?

I’ve been feeling excluded with a group of people and it brings me right back to middle school and high school. It’s been feeling very “clique-y” and it’s exhausting. In this situation, I obviously am not part of the “cool” group and it is hurtful.

I do not believe that these people are doing this on purpose, they may not even be aware of it. But I do know that it’s something I’ve felt before and it seems that I’m realizing that maybe I’m not meant to be really good friends with these people. Maybe they’re just people I will see once a week at community group and that’s okay.

I think I want so badly to have the kind of friends I have back home here – and that leads to me feeling frustrated because it just hasn’t happened. When I cry, when I am having a melt-down, I have people I can call…. But none of them are here, in NC. They are all in Michigan. Which is fine, they are still there for me, as much as they can be.

But sometimes it would be nice to have someone here that can come and sit with me, or talk me through whatever is going on, or someone who would say, “I’ll be right over, we’ll watch Gilmore Girls and drink wine.” Or whatever. Sometimes you just need someone to sit with you, and not be alone.

I suppose it gets harder the older you get, to make friends like that. My best friend from high school, we’ll call her “M”, has known me for over 12 years now. Of course she knows me better than anyone here! She probably knows me better than even my parents. Time is something you can’t compete with. But I definitely feel like I put in a lot of effort with my friends here, and sometimes you just don’t get the effort back on the other end. Sometimes you have to realize that it’s just not going to work, even when you want it to (in friendships as well as romantic relationships, but that’s an entirely different post).

Does it make me a bad Christian to let some of these relationships fall away? Is that me having good boundaries or is it me being too harsh?

It’s hard for me to tell sometimes.