I’ve been exhausted lately.
Exhausted as in, “go to bed at 8:45pm on a Friday night” exhausted (and sleep straight through the night and wake up at 7:00am the next morning).
It comes with the weather…. the darkness…. the gray sky.
I want to sleep earlier, and sleep in later. I want to come home after work, and not go out again (into the dark). I want to snuggle on the couch under piles of quilts, and curl up with a good book (currently reading “Interrupted” by Jen Hatmaker and some eschatology books that are over my head for the most part, but fascinating just the same).
I don’t want to go to work. (Does anyone ever want to go to work? If so, who are these people? What do they do? How can I be like them?)
I have moved into my new cubicle. It’s very small. I wish I still had an office, so I could play my music without people judging me for my choices. I brought my artwork home as I have nowhere to hang it anymore.
I recently met a girl at church, who I seem to have a lot in common with. She had talked openly about her struggles with depression, which made me feel at ease immediately. We talked about how I’m looking to make some changes in my career path and am wanting to go in a different direction and she said she would keep an ear out for anything.
I ran into her the other day in the parking lot of the grocery store, and she hadn’t gotten back to me about some job connections she had…. and moral of the story is I have a coffee meeting with one of her connections this week. So…… fingers crossed! I know people don’t like to hire around the holidays, so I’m a little concerned about that. All I can do is keep trying.
My Mom asked me the other day, “Are you trying to fix the problem, or are you letting God fix it?”
Valid question. However, it’s pretty obvious that it’s not going to be me that’s going to make this happen. I’ve been trying to do all I can for months and nothing has happened. God will need to open some doors in order to make this happen. Maybe He just doesn’t want to right now. And that just… really sucks.
Sometimes I just get angry about that part.
Seriously, what are you waiting for??? (Yes, I tend to have casual, daily conversations with God. I believe he knows me so well that he can handle my informal style). I mean, He did design me.
So I continue to try and have patience (not something I excel at) and take it one day at a time. And I’m reading a lot. Distractions are helpful too.
Here’s to distractions and Thanksgiving (or Friendsgiving if you’re like me) and hopefully some extra rest (it seems like I need it).