Dating Sucks

I’m just going to say it: dating really sucks.

Dating when you’re a Christian seems to be even more difficult. People don’t get it; they don’t get why you have certain ideas about what should or should not happen on a date, or what the big deal is about sex, or a man pursuing a woman…..

“Your idea of dating is antiquated”, they say.

“Get real…. No man is going to be okay with not sleeping with you”.

To be honest, I’m getting sick of answering questions about my dating life (or lack thereof) because I’m sick of seeing people’s reactions. I can tell when they think I’m being ridiculous (even if they don’t say it). I want it to not bother me. But it still does sometimes.

People are in disbelief. “No one has standards these days”, they say.

But that does not mean that as a believer, I should just say, “oh well everyone else is doing it so…..” like it doesn’t matter. People may not understand it, but actually, they don’t need to. They just need to respect it. If your friends can’t respect your boundaries, get some new friends.

We are all broken people. I am broken, and so are you. We all have pasts…. pasts that have hurt us, and hurt others. But there is grace from God. As believers, we can repent and ask for forgiveness and have the slate wiped clean. Jesus is not holding your past against you. So it doesn’t matter what happened in the past, if you are holding yourself to a higher standard now….. that is what is important.

This is something that can be hard for me to believe at times. I can’t always believe that God isn’t judging me for my past mistakes and reminding me of all of the times I’ve messed up. It seems too good to be true for Him to forgive me and just let it go.

I feel like most dating articles/books are about manipulating: manipulating other people and manipulating situations in order to get what you want (whatever that may be). Is this really the way to an honest, healthy relationship?

We are told that as believers we are not “of this world”. There should be something different about believers. That’s something that I have struggled with myself. I am a believer, but sometimes I wonder if people who meet me, or know me from work, can see a difference between me and a nonbeliever. Or are we both just “nice”? We can all be nice, even moral, people when we want to be.

How do I, as a believer, show Jesus’ love to others? How am I showing others that He has made a difference in my life? Or am I too wrapped up in my own struggles to focus on anyone else? I think a big part of it is telling our own stories to others. This is something that I have gotten better at, but still makes me anxious. Dating makes all of this stuff even more difficult… it seems to have gotten more and more complicated over time:

  • Who is supposed to pay? (I would say that the guy should normally pay for the first date, but I tend to be old fashioned about that)
  • Is it better to be friends first or not – (there seems to be a huge difference of opinion on this)

This is what I’m thinking on tonight. I don’t feel well, and I’m drinking tea and laying on the couch. It’s one of those times that I think: it would be so nice to have someone here with me, taking care of me. Someone who will run to the store and get ginger ale or soup, or more Nyquil. The little things that help you get through the night (when you can’t talk or breathe out of your nose). Hopefully someday I’ll find someone who wants to take care of me when I’m sick, because I know I’m pretty awesome at taking care of others when they need it.

I’m sure that God has this whole thing planned out, but sometimes (especially now, when I’m single, and lonely) that I just want to say to Him “WHAT IS THE HOLD UP?!” because I don’t get it. I’m getting older and I’m afraid that I’m running out of time. I’m pretty sure that is a lie from Satan and I’m not THAT OLD AT ALL and need to just relax. Of course that is easier said than done.

I’ll keep working on it.